Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Have you been naughty or nice?

· Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot

· Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

· Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies

· Bad girls know they could do it better

· Good girls wear white cotton panties

· Bad girls don't wear any

· Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls

· Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls

· Good girls pack their toothbrush

· Bad girls pack their diaphragms

· Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it

· Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it

· Good girls wear high heels to work

· Bad girls wear high heels to bed

· Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance

· Bad girls think no place is the wrong place

· Good girls say no

· Bad girls say when?

· Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed

· Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home

· Good Girls Go to Heaven

· Bad Girls Go Everywhere

Now I’m sure deep, deep, deep inside…Santa’s hoping you were naughty J

Merry X’Mas

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

To be or not to be

First impressions always count whether you are on a date, to get that job, meeting your future in laws, meeting his friends, applying for a bank loan etc. Yes! First impressions count and you can forget the I-expect-them-to-accept-me-for-who-I-am belief.

I for one am a girl who believes in comfort. Give me a pair of sneakers and jeans and I could go for any occasions with it. Have you ever realised how uncomfortable women’s clothes are? You have to be careful when wearing a short skirt, you don’t want to catch a draft when bending over or crossing your legs. What about plunging or wide necklines, you move a little forward and the one in front of you gets a full display of today’s bra and not forgetting the agonizing 5 inch heels that kills your feet and your back. Heck! the only 5 inches I want is not on my feet but in my sheets

Back to first impressions, so if you want that high end job or meeting your in-laws, you can’t get away with an orange coloured Adidas sneakers and a cool t-shirt that says slacker on it. No, because as much as people claim you should be true to yourself, not many of us can get away with being true to ourselves.

As a woman and especially as a woman, we always have to watch what we say, be careful when we eat, how we sit and have proper manners all the time. I just look forward to the time I can just stretch my legs, kick off those heels and throw out the please, excuse me’s and thank you’s and cuss anywhere and anytime I like.

So when can we get to be who we are? In the comfort of our own personal time and with a woman’s schedule, yeah …you can only pray you have 36 hours in a day.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

What he’d say to get laid

How low would he sink? Apparently quite low

· Men: I’ve heard sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?

· What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

· Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!

· Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy.

· Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you’ve got the nicest set of buns I've ever seen

· Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can definitely see myself in your pants

· Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up

· Did you fart? Because you just blew me away!

· Do you work for UPS? Because I swear I saw you checking out my package.

· "Hey do you have any Irish in you?" "You want some?"

· "Are your parents from Iraq? Because I think you're the bomb!"

· If you were a booger, I'd pick you first

· How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll put my head in

· Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?

· I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle

· You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Men with estrogens

Ever dated a man who was way more emotional than you were? He was the co-dependent, clingy, needy and insecure one? He was the one who needed assurance from you and that you’ll never walk away.

Men will never admit they are emotional. You see being emotional can be in so many levels and not just crying to a sad movie.

Here are some pointers that you could or have dated an emo-sapien:

He feels neglected when you are out with your friends and you did not invite him

He’s sensitive to everything you say and oblivious to everything he says

He instantly wants to be open about the relationship and is upset if you need time

He wants to hang out with the gang all the time so that he could constantly be with you
When there is a fight, you have to be the one calling and consoling him

You always need to understand where he is coming from

He’s always the victim
The term ‘personal space’ has no meaning to him

You have to be the strong one for him every time shit happens

He keeps calling and calling and calling if you don’t pick up

He sends you lengthy messages on the phone about how he feels

He keeps holding your hands even at a friend’s place during a game of monopoly

Emo is men’s taboo word, call them that and they become instantly over sensitive and terribly defensive.

I admit I would like a sensitive man but someone who’s able to understand my temperaments and my feelings just as how I would his…. period. I don’t want to be caught in an emotional web where everything is about his feelings, his needs and his wants.

My man has to be a man, to be the one for me when I fall, to be my pillar of strength and most importantly to allow me to be the woman in the relationship.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Lingerie defines a woman

A woman in lingerie is a woman at her sexiest and most in control. Knowing what you are wearing inside hidden from the outside world gives you a sense of empowerment which only women can relate too. Lingerie is a powerful aphrodisiac, strut one in the bedroom with high stilettos and you can have your man eating out of your hand.

Lingerie is personal and extremely seductive. Put one on and you would be staring at yourself in the mirror for a long time because lingerie oozes your sex appeal. You not only look sexy, you feel sexy and you become sexy

Wearing a corset with a garter belt and the whole paraphernalia that comes with it and watch yourself transform into an irresistible nymph

So what kind of a lingerie person are you? The long, shapeless one that also works as Xanax and puts your partner on a snooze mode?

Or the smoldering hot one that causes smoke alarms to set off

Remember the rule of thumb to wearing lingerie is ‘not everything less is more’. In your attempt to look like a seductive temptress, you don’t want to appear looking like a back alley whore. Don’t bare all, there should be some left for the imagination well before he claws his way through.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

If it’s the same mirror, why do we look at ourselves differently?

Self-esteem is a personal validation of oneself and your value as a person; body image is how someone feels about his or her own physical appearance which is I belief has a correlation.

Women are on a constant weight loss battle to look good for their fat, bald ugly men. Have you seen a guy shed 5 kilos or get on a treadmill so that he doesn’t lose his girlfriend? Ok so maybe there are some but I’m pretty sure very remote.

I dated a guy who did not have a great complexion, who lost all his hair and would look at himself in the mirror and tell me he’s so good looking. I too saw myself in that same mirror but all I saw was a bulging tummy, dark circles under my eyes and to my horror spotted some white hair.

So why is it that we can never see ourselves looking and feeling great? Apparently up to 8 out of 10 women will be dissatisfied with their reflection, and more than half may see a distorted image.

Men on the other hand look into the mirror and are more likely to be either pleased with what they see or indifferent. Research shows that men generally have a much more positive body-image than women – if anything, they may tend to over-estimate their attractiveness. Some men looking in the mirror may literally not see the flaws in their appearance – Yes, I’m sure we didn’t need a research to point that out, do we?

What happens when a woman or a man gains weight? The first person to notice that would be our moms – Judge Dredd. Worse if you are single, she will tell you lose weight or stay single for the rest of your life…ok that’s not such a horrible thought after all

What happens when a man gains weight? Nothing, no one even notices or if they do, they crack bad jokes like dude, you still seeing your balls down there?

Tabloid magazines would feature a picture of Victoria Beckham and zero in on her skinny thighs and magnify it to show an insignificant sight of her cellulite. Do you see them doing the same to Russell Crow or Val Kilmer? No these fat asses get away with once again some bad jokes.

Its women who gets hit the most and it has been estimated that young women now see more images of outstandingly beautiful women in one day than our mothers saw throughout their entire adolescence.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I want to have a normal name

Hollywood celebrities are on a race to compete for the weirdest names for their babies. My heart goes out for these kids whom I reckon will be hounded for the rest of their lives thanks to their brainless parents. Let’s take a look at the tragic names these parents thought off while downing whiskey

Bronx Mowgli is the son of Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz. Rob Morrow decided to name his child Tu Morrow. Wouldn’t it be easier if it was just To Morrow? At least we wouldn’t have to worry about getting the spelling right.

Jason Lee the weirdo from My Name is Earl, named his kid Pilot Inspektor, its no wonder Season 4 got cancelled. Must be due to creative differences.

Spice Girl, Geri Halliwell pushed it a notch by naming her daughter Bluebell Madonna. Well at least, Bluebell will never have to worry about having a stage name should she become an artist.

Actor Dan Cortese jumped into the bandwagon of hollyweirdo by naming his kid Tabooger, which sounds like something Boeing would name their airplanes.

If the name 50 cent isn’t bad enough, he named his son Bow-Ty, I was surprised, didn’t the son at least deserve ‘A Dollar’?

Given the good movies both Demi Moore and Bruce Willis have done, I must say I’m sorely disappointed to the names they gave their kids - Rumer, Scout and Tallulah. Really! What were they thinking?

Vanilla Ice named his daughter Dusti Rain, which I think was named after a stripper in some sleazy joint called Tities for Dummies. KeeLee Breeze has named her son, Audio Science Clayton, I’m guessing her following children would be Sight History Clayton and Smell Geography Clayton

Is it too much to name your kid Amy, John or Rebecca? I foresee the gloomy future these kids would have being taunted in school and at work. I mean would you hire a lawyer named Pilot Inspektor? Its not cool ladies and gentleman.

If your kids ever starts popping pills at the age of 6 its all your fault!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What do we want?

What matters most to men? Ambition, money and career. What matters most to women, love men and relationships. I’m not saying that it’s the only things that matter but I’m saying men and women give more importance to different aspects of their lives.

Women will ruminate over their knight in shining armor. Will he arrive in a carriage or a Mercedes, when does he make his presence known, how many lovely kids they would have, would they have undying love to each other towards the very end, does she get to wear a Vera Wang to the wedding….how whimsical.

Now, let’s take a look at the other species, men are structured and well planned animals. They know where they want to be in the next 5 years, a CEO to a multinational company by sleeping with the boss’s daughter, embezzling enough money to start a side business. Having stocks in multiple portfolios and facing fraud charges from various business partners.

Men deal with stress by calling up their buddies, downing loads of alcohol and having a one night stand to boost his ego. Women deal with stress by also getting drunk, having meaningless sex with a guy but regretting it later and calling all her girlfriends for a support group.

Women think with their hearts and logic is sometimes overcome with their emotions, maybe that’s why they can’t seem to know a loser when they are dating one. Men think mainly with their minds, everything has to be concise and precise and all facts laid out before they make their decision.

And perhaps that balances it in a relationship. While men crave for success in fame and money and women seek success in their family life, each of them equalize their need for a perfect home with each bringing something to the table.

Once again, the author wishes to express that it does not mean each sex has only one thing in mind but it is relatively dependant on priority

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Cinderella …the modern day version

And so one day….Danielle’s dad left her mom to marry his secretary after they were caught doing some major, intensive workouts in the office. Soon, Danielle’s mom and dad were embroiled in a bitter custody battle until the dad decided to pay the mom off and Danielle was soon shipped over with dad and secretary to Belle Air

Now Danielle was the quiet sort of girl, she didn’t have many friends either. Frankly it was because she had bad breath and every time she opened her mouth, a fly died!

When she turned 17, everything had changed. The father left the family for another secretary and she was stuck with her step mom and 2 really hot sisters.

And soon prom came and no one asked Danielle to be their date…sucky. She was hoping for the school’s hottie Sean to ask her out but he was too busy hooking up with her step sister who happened to have brains, personality, fresh breath, a killer body and good looks and co-incidentally the school’s cheerleader. Another brownie point for the step sister!

So on prom nite with no date, Danielle decided to stay home. But she quickly changed her mind when her mom staggered home drunk with a beefy construction worker named Tim around her arm. She knew she had to leave the house when she overheard the stepmom slur, ‘let’s get you out of this clothes right now, my girls ain’t home’

Danielle hurriedly looked for something decent to wear but alas her closet was only filled with jeans and t-shirts. She rushed over to her step sisters’ rooms and well ….they were locked.

And so she made a wish, a wish for her to be able to find the perfect dress and head to prom and meet her knight in shining armour.

And so she waited…..and waited, it was almost 10 and she was still waiting.

Meanwhile, in fairyland, there was a union strike as the fairy godmothers were tired of fulfilling everyone’s own desires except their own – to have time for their own spa, medi and pedi cures, body wraps and facials. They were tired of looking like beaten old and wrinkled grandmothers but wanted to spot a more youthful appearance. So, as you can see, there was really no one there to hear Danielle’s wish…except for one.

Her name was Samantha. She was a single and unemployed mother of 5 kids. Kicked out of her last job as a cocktail waitress for flirting with another married woman in front of her husband, Samantha was determined to try out for the temporary filling of fairy godmother post while the union was still on.

And so off she went to visit Danielle. Poof! She appeared.

Danielle: Wo dude! Who are you?

Samantha: I’m your fairy god sista. I heard you wanted to head to a prom?

Danielle: Yeah!! So you gonna help me?

Samantha: That depends, have you been a good girl or a bad girl?

Danielle: Isn’t that Santa’s line? Oh well, definitely good. I study all the time. Do my homework, get straight A’s, no boyfriends, no sex, no smoking, no drinking and I’ve never touched a joint in my life.

Samantha: Shit! You have been a bad girl then. Ok look, i need this job to feed my kids, so let’s drop all formalities and get you fixed up for the prom.

Danielle: Cool, ok I was hoping to get the latest Autumn Collection of Gucci? It’s the navy blue halter top with the glittering silver brooch in front?

Samantha: Err….i don’t have those. I’m only a temp staff and therefore my powers are limited. You ok with something from MNG?

Danielle: Yeah why not? Beggars cannot be choosers

Tada! Samantha dressed Danielle up in a white off shoulders dress matched her in earrings, and a nice bracelet from DeGems and a Miss Sixty clutch bag.

Danielle: Wow! I’ve never seen myself look so good. So I’m good to go?

Samantha: Hang on, your dress needs to be shorter and wait your boobs are not showing let me just pull this dress lower. Ok and don’t forget your fresh mints.

So off Samantha went, she couldn’t get a ride to the prom cuz stepmom was doing a belly dancing show for Tim and so she waited for the bus.

When she got to the prom, everything seemed magical. She popped a freshmint and hei presto her bad breath was gone. She went looking for Sean but he was nowhere to be found, she later found out that in his extreme state of self consciousness, he decided to skip prom when he woke up this morning and found a huge zit on his nose.

Left with no one to impress, Danielle told herself to fuck it and she could have fun all by herself. Some of the kids brought their own vodka and Danielle had not one or two but half a bottle and she partied so hard all nite.

She woke up the next morning with a really bad hangover and realized one thing, ‘you need not rely your happiness on a boy, you can have fun on your own and that she did’

She was happy over her new epiphany but also disappointed that she was grounded. You see, her stepmom found a hikkie on her Danielle’s neck and told her no social life for you young lady till you are 45.

As we speak, Danielle’s still at home waiting for another 28 years before she can party!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I’m all for give and take

As long as he’s giving and I’m taking J. How much of equality are you willing to practice in your relationship. In some parts of the world, the ladies give and give and give and now you see a new trend emerging these days, women are willing to give depending on what the man is willing to compromise.

Ha ha, smart move!

But if you met the right one, whose company you enjoy, whose touch sends you to the moon, whose voice sweeps you off your feet, whose love gives you the security and whose attention makes you the center of his world, would you give him your all?

Would you still be calculative in your actions for him? Or you would do anything to make him happy, because when you have met the right one and have fallen completely head over heels with him, nothing matters any more. No more games, no more ego just pure love in its simplicity.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Dog

Yes, I have a dog in my apartment. Well, she’s not really my dog but my housemate’s and I’m the Godmother. We both share custody of Cleo. She’s a miniature schnauzer and she’s absolutely adorable. She’ll have you eating out of her palm in no time. Her eyes are so hypnotic, she could get away with murder and yes, we do charge her for rent if you ever need to get away from the cops.

What do I like about Cleo? Anything and everything. She’s amazingly affectionate. She’s so playful, she’s so loving and sometimes a tad bit silly. She whines when we leave and is excited when we come home. She yelps in excitement and dances around us the moment we open the door. She follows us to the kitchen, the bathroom, to our personal rooms and waits for us patiently to finish anything we are doing. She lies on you or sits nearby when you ignore her and places her head right smack in the middle of a book you are reading if you fail to pay her any attention. With all that, you just can’t get angry with that furry canine because once you meet Cleo you are smittened

Which brings me to today’s question: Why a dog can be much better than a man?

A dog is always emotionally available

A dog is always emotionally available

6 months later and the dog is still interested in you

A dog will never stray

A dog always knows who’s its owner

A dog listens to instructions

A dog never has trouble cuddling up

A dog always wants to be with you and by your side

A dog never gets bored

A dog wants a relationship with you

There’s also another one on why a cucumber is much better than a man but we’ll save that for a later post

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A woman’s life support system

If there is one thing a woman can never survive without, its her girlfriends. Yes, a group of girls coming together for their ladies night out, catching up on old times, the gossiping and bitching about each other…yup good memories.

When you get back from a great date, who do you call? Your girlfriend of course because she shares in the excitement with you as you tell her everything that took place in great detail and she breaks it down and analyses it for you. When you start seeing someone, you always need your girlfriend’s approval. You arrange an innocent meet between your significant other and your girlfriends, and they will end up telling you whether he’s good for you. You don’t have to impress the parents that much but you definitely have to be on your best behavior with your lady’s friends, they can shred you if they want to.

When your day goes wrong, when you have been proposed, you find out you are pregnant, we all call our girlfriends to tell them about it. Imagine calling up your male friends and going, John, guess what?? I just got proposed. Martin got down on his knees. John’s reply would be, ‘err….Congratulations!! (mutters under his breath, dumb Martin)..anyway I gotta go, Catch you later, bye’

Call your girlfriend and she will squeal in delight, asking you how it happened, where’s the ring from, how many carats, when’s the wedding, how did he propose and while you go into lengthy details, she gushes in awe for you. See the massive difference?

You call each other up and talk for hours from how your day went, to your colleagues, to your boyfriends and his family, to meeting someone cute at the bus stop or simply because you are bored. Your girlfriend knows everything about you – your work life, your personal life, your sex life she knows all your friends, colleagues, bosses and acquaintances. Removing a girlfriend is basically removing your anchor.

A girlfriend is always there for the emotional support, but honestly if my car breaks down in the middle of nowhere at night, I would be calling my guy friend. See guy friends are there for security and protection, you go to a club, you know your guy friends will be there to make sure no one gets to you physically and you feel safe. But I can’t imagine calling my male friend up and asking, ‘Hei, I’m meeting Daniel tonite, should I wear something sexy or make it semi casual. I don’t want him to think I’m easily available so I have narrowed down my outfits to two dresses. One is a long black halter dress with a plunging neckline and the other is an off shoulder navy blue short dress.

What do you think?’

Friday, August 21, 2009

Getting over the dreaded ex

Yes him, the jackass that broke your heart, left you for another woman, that didn’t pick up your calls, who said he was not ready for commitment after a night of passion. What makes us crave for these men so much? The fact that we cannot own them or that the closure was missing.

In every woman’s life, we would encounter at least one bastard, albeit some of us have a larger share in dating assholes. My theory to this is since God made us perfect, He has to give us that one thing to mess with our emotions and lives up. Aah…the conundrum of being perfect!

So how do we get over someone who trampled our hearts? Immediately delete whatever photos, numbers, letters, emails or smses you have of him, because going over those mushy times will only make you remember the good times and forget the fact that he dumped you!

And what is it about alcohol that fills your brain with hay and forces you to make that one call that will ruin your life forever…calling him!!! So the next time you decide to intoxicate yourself, surrender your phone to a good girlfriend who under no circumstances will hand you the phone for any call you desperately need to make at 4am.

Any bastard who wishes to remain friends after leaving you stranded is in one word a bastard…..and are we friends with bastards? No we are not cuz we deserve better than that. These sleazy men who want to be ‘friends’ have only one agenda in their head (am I not referring to the one resting on their shoulders ladies)

Use revenge and pain as your motivation to start looking great. The one thing every woman wishes for her ex to see, is her at her utmost best. Get a wax, tone your legs, flex those muscles, lose some weight, put some make up on, get a great pair of shoes and a sexy dress and strut yourself at his favorite joint. Let him feast his eyes and curse himself for letting you go

And finally what better way to get over him? Go on dates, although you won’t be emotionally ready for a commitment, but then again who’s asking you to get into a relationship. Just get back into the single’s world and enjoy the options that will be in front of you. You never know who becomes the hits or the misses if you don’t give it a try now, would you?

Monday, August 17, 2009

To play or not to play?

While men play the role of the prowlers, women on the other hand get into their hard to get MO. While all these ‘fowl plays’ are fun and exciting, is it really healthy?

What happens when the mind games are over and the thrill takes a downhill -he becomes tame and you conquered; at that time the only thing that will save you is your personality and skills in bed, heck what else is there to keep the fire burning?

What is it about mind games that keep us on our toes? He calls and you can only pick up after the 3rd ring and if he doesn’t call for the second time, you are sitting on your bed with a tub of Ben & Jerrys wondering what happened. You can never appear too available; you always have to pretend you don’t care; and there’s that 3rd day rule of calling. Calling on first day is desperation, second day is instant gratification and the third day is perfect because both of you will be missing each other. Who made all these rules up anyway?

What’s the objective in mind games? To not appear too easy? But why? Is it because we want the men’s respect or is it because we enjoy the chase? Do we want to be chased? Yes!! It builds our self esteem. But isn’t it a vicious cycle when the men’s interest is only in chasing and once he’s got you he’s already have you on his leash? So it continues and to avoid the control; you keep running and he keeps chasing.

I used to enjoy mind games …. about 10 years ago but I find as you grow older you only want to be honest and set the intention straight so that no one gets hurt and the man knows you are not in for a one night stand and that itself will eliminate at least 85% of the men out there

Monday, August 10, 2009

Bon Appetit

Anyone watching Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern is sure to be repulsed by its gastronomy distaste. Would you reach out for that yummy meatball after watching the episode of him downing a frog's beating heart?

No sir, not me. I prefer my food to be familiar and cooked.

Imagine coming home after a hard day’s work and asking your loved one, what’s for dinner and hearing the following menu

Appetizer: Bull's rectum and testicles soup with stuffed pancreas
Main entree: Gourmet cow's mouth and a mix platter of intestine-encased organs
Dessert: chocolate-covered meal worms and crickets
Served with blood freshly-harvested from King cobras made into a straight cocktail and finished with civet dropping coffee

I read this fish soup recipe from Thailand in one of those weird food cookbooks. Now follow closely so that you too can prepare this at home for your loved ones. (I can’t remember the ingredients clearly but I do remember the preparation)

In a bowl, get some live rather small fish (about 1 cm long), if you can’t buy them off the market you can always fish them out of your aquarium. Throw in one lemon grass, chili, lime and ginger.

While all these fish are swimming merrily in your bowl, boil them under a slow fire and watch them die slowly. You don’t boil it under high heat else they would die fast and float all around the bowl and that would just be repugnant for the faint hearted *grin*.

No…..the trick is to slowly boil them so that all the fish would swim up into the lemon grass thinking they would be safe from harm and not knowing they are swimming to their doom. If the heat doesn’t kill them then probably claustrophobia would. Imagine 10 fish all stuck in a narrow passage inside a lemon grass and to savour this you suck on the lemon grass with all the fish suffocated inside.

Care to join us for a Sunday brunch?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Proud to be a bitch

Take B-I-T-C-H from a woman, and what’s left of her?? A helpless man!

Yes ladies, don’t be ashamed to throw attitude each time things don’t go your way. Claw your way to success and screw that waiter for bad service and burn the house of the man that broke your heart.

Bitchiness is what makes a woman wholesome. Because B stands for Babelicious, I stands for Integrity, T stands for Total Annihilation, C stands for Carnage and H stands for Hell Raiser.

Bitchiness allows a woman to exercise her rights to be temperamental, sarcastic, aggressive, pushy and hostile without having to make excuses for herself. Ask a man why he’s yelling at the car park attendant and he’ll reply you he had a fall out with a co-worker and his day is fucked. Ask a woman this and she’ll answer you back, why the hell not??

There is a book called Why Men Love Bitches, so you see ladies, men do love us. Now why are men drawn to someone bitchy, let’s face it, he has no balls of his own and relies on a strong, self empowered woman for strength. Yes, if we can pop a 7 ½ pounds baby out of our vagina, we can rule the world.

So the next time, someone comes up to you and says you are one hell of a bitch, look at them straight in the eye and say thank you!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

How was my day, you ask?

I was watching Asia Uncut, and Harith Iskandar was interviewed and he said ask a woman how was her day, and she WILL tell you. That was funny.

That is true. Ask a man how was his day, he would say the clients were not too happy with the presentation and he had lunch with his boss to discuss 2 accounts that were not doing too well and that’s it. Oh well, he might add that the steak he ordered was cooked very well and suggest we go there sometime.

Now, ask a woman how was her day, is like opening a can of worms. Be prepared for a 15 minute uninterrupted solo communication on how her day went.

Mine always starts with, Oh my god, you know what happened? Sometimes when I say that, I look into my bf’s eyes and can tell he really doesn’t want to know but I decide ignorance is always bliss in instances like this.

So I proceed to tell him how some bitch cut me off while I was driving and nearly caused me an accident and when I reached the car park, the silly attendant had no change and that annoyed me. While walking to office, I bumped into Sarah and she was telling me of the MNG sale, which reminds me we have to go there for awhile after dinner, I want to check if that grey maxi dress is still available.

So back to my day, when we headed off to the office, I got pissed with my HR dept because they did not calculate my commission and when I went to speak to them they pushed to me to the payroll, by then I was so angry I gave Rebecca from payroll a earful.

Work load was alright but the secretary screwed up my files but because she’s pregnant I excused her. Btw, guess what I found out? Peter and Jane hooked up last nite. Michelle came to my table and said she saw them holding hands, of course when she asked them about it today, they completely denied it, but honestly I have seen them taking lunches and occasionally working late together, there should be something, I have to investigate that now.

Michelle, Sarah and I decided to go to KLCC for lunch so I went to Starbucks and got a salad, we went to look for shoes after that but there were too many people so we decided to skip it.

After that, work was not too bad, just some calls from disgruntled clients and I had to sort it out. Then had a meeting with the boss to discuss the marketing plans for the next quarter. Thank heavens boss was in a good mood so it went alrite. Then Kathy came over with some biscuits she got from London. Goodness they were so yummy and there goes my diet.

After that my boss called me in to discuss the budgets and by the time it was done it was already 6pm and time to head home. The guys invited me out for a drink but I told them I was having dinner with you. Oh, Jane says hi by the way.

So, the next time you ask a girl how was her day….well let’s just say you have been warned.

Monday, July 20, 2009


Ladies and gentlemen, we have come a long way from the cave days. Let’s take a look at our history, where our foremothers had struggled for the rights that we enjoy today. From the time they fought for women’s suffrage to the historical movement of throwing bras, high-heeled shoes, false eyelashes, girdles, makeup and corsets into the ‘Freedom Trash Can’. On the contrary to the popular belief, there was no burning involved because a permit could not be obtained. Yes I’m serious!

In the 1950’s, we started out fat, contented and domesticated. Everything was about family, baking and household chores. Our personal and professional identities were than defined by a male-dominated society. Then came the sexual revolution of the late 1960’s, women became more aware of Freud’s sexual studies and Lady Chatterley was arousing our hibernated senses. 1970’s witnessed the Hare Rama movement, Flower Power and the hippie culture, where sex, drugs and psychedelic rock were glorified

The 1980’s saw a sharp rise in women’s enrollment into college in graduate studies and of course the first woman to become UK’s first Prime Minister - Margaret Thatcher. And the 1990’s and 2000’s as we know it was the rise of Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, Sonia Gandhi, Condoleezza Rice, Carly Fiorina. Women have become more empowered, determined and strong willed. We are no longer reduced to cooking, cleaning and producing but have ventured into fields that would leave our ancestors brimming with pride.

What can I say, its been such a glorious journey for us, let’s celebrate this by calling our girlfriends, having a pajama party and reading the bible together…nah kidding stock the fridge with loads of alcohol and get drunk!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Bubble bath the ultimate luxury

What do we all crave for after an arduous day? A nice warm bubble bath with lavender oil, a head pillow, surrounded with candles, soft music, rose petals, a bottle of wine and James Franco giving you a nice foot massage. Well if James is not available, you can always get a rubber ducky or a book.

What is it about a bubble bath that soothes your senses and puts you in that zen mode? And why is it only women have bubble baths? Perhaps, men do too but are still in the closet about it.

The only detriment to a bubble bath is maintaining its temperature. After awhile of soaking yourself in the tub, the temperature starts to drop. My school teacher once told me that soaking in a bathtub is not her cup of tea because the dirt would also be floating in the tub. What an ugly picture to paint for such a sensual portrayal.

I visited my friend’s apartment after she had it furbished. My friend has a flair for the interior decoration although by day she’s a lawyer by profession. I remember her bathroom. It’s one room I wouldn’t mind renting and living in! It had spot lights, with mirrors all around and a hint of Balinese in it. Perfect!

A bubble bath should be long, dreamy, and luxurious. Don’t insult it by dipping in for 10 minutes and coming out quickly. If that’s the case, the pleasure of a bubble bath is not meant for you.

So what reasons I can think of for having a bubble bath? A nice way to bond with your partner, a good stress reliever, the best way of spending some lone time or a good reason to finish your book. In fact there could be no reason at all. Just soak yourself in and you have set yourself up for Nirvana.

Every woman needs this, in fact I would recommend men to start jumping into the bandwagon. Speaking of which, I need to go now, I have a bubble bath waiting for me.